On Gender Rebellion

March 2000

Dramatis personae: Teal (your host) and Tyro (a random passer by)

Tyro:
So why have you called this Opinion Piece "On Gender Rebellion"? How can someone rebel against gender? It just Is.

Teal:
Most people think that, don't they? We're taught from when we are very young that "gender" is another word for "sex", and that both of these are absolutely determined by our genetics - which is to say that we are born a boy or a girl, and that's the end of it. Boys wear blue, girls wear pink, and the two groups are treated differently and expected to behave differently just because they are boys or girls.

I happen to think that it is not that simple. I agree that we are (usually) born one sex or the other - there are individuals who don't fit neatly into those boxes, but they are not the subject of this discussion. What happens next is that we are taught to be little girls or little boys, depending on what shape our genitalia are, and we grow up thinking that sex and gender are absolutely linked. But what I say is that the relationship between our genetic sex and our personality doesn't have to be tied together in that way, and in fact that for some people, there is very little relationship between them. Thus I think it is helpful to think about sex and gender a little more flexibly, rather than trying to force everyone into one of two boxes.

Tyro:
But men and women are different! Everybody knows that!

Teal:
I don't think they are as different as most people think they are. Its true that if you look at large population statistics, there are measurable differences between the sexes in some things - upper body strength, for example, and height. Some people think there are psychological differences too, but those are pretty controversial, and there is a lot of disagreement there. There has been some agreement that women are slightly better on average verbally, and men are slightly better spatially.

Tyro:
Doesn't that prove my point?

Teal:
Not as much as you think it does! If there are two groups that differ on some measure by five percent, say, could you look at one instance of that measurement and work out which group a given individual belongs to on the basis of it?

And what about if the individuals vary a great deal within that group, and the difference is really only observable when you start comparing very large numbers of them?

Do you see what I'm getting at? The situation regarding sex differences is exactly what I'm talking about here. Even the "obvious" ones like height or upper body strength work like that. There are short men and tall women....knowing that somebody is five foot seven tells you nothing about what sex they are. You can guess...but you might get it wrong. And the differences get even harder to spot when you are talking about the subtle, small differences (like verbal ability). Knowing somebody's physical sex really tells you nothing at all about their potential abilities.

Tyro:
Why does it matter? I mean, most people are quite happy being men and women, aren't they? What's to be gained by making things more complicated?

Teal:
As things stand, it is not really possible in our culture to think in a gender neutral, non-binary way. We think in about the world in a language, and that language has built into its structure certain assumptions about the workings of the world. We interpret our day to day experiences according to what we expect to see, and those expectations are affected by the language that our observations are framed in.

To put it another way - we see what we expect to see, to some degree at least. If we expect people to be a certain way, then we'll likely not notice or remember or think much about those who aren't that way, except perhaps as oddities that reinforce our assumptions about what is "normal". Either that, or we'll be expecting those we see to be a certain way and simply not register aspects of them that don't fit into our expectations.

Tyro:
So what you're saying is that the current arrangement limits people by making them fit into categories they don't really fit in, and chop off what doesn't go?

Teal:
Yes! Most folk look at me and see a "woman". With that perception goes a whole bunch of assumptions about who I am, what my skills and personality are like and what they can expect of me, and they treat me accordingly. I find that this often annoys me, since I have many characteristics that the general class "woman" isn't usually seen as having, and do not have lots of characteristics that many people would expect a "woman" to have. I would much prefer to be perceived as a person first, rather than a woman first. They can find out about my personality and preferences as they get to know me. But a lot of people don't do that. They are so wrapped up in their assumptions about who and what I am (because they see me as a woman) that they don't even notice the real me, even when I'm standing in front of them. And that can get very frustrating.

And for those who don't fit clearly into either of the two regular categories, imagine how difficult dealing with other peoples' assumptions about gender must get!

Tyro:
I'm not too sure what you're referring to here. Could you clarify? How can someone not fit into one or other category? Surely it's pretty simple to work out whether or not somebody's a man or a woman by looking at them?

Teal:
You might be surprised. I'm sure you must have seen comedy routines on TV or movies where somebody approaches another person who is presumed to be of the "appropriate sex" with the intention of attempting to pick them up, and is aghast and appalled when the person turns around at is actually of the "inappropriate sex"? Well, those sorts of jokes are based on ambiguity of gender cues. Cues like long hair, a certain style of dress, a certain manner of moving, wearing of make-up - these all signify gender in our culture, but are not tied in any way to biological sex. After all, that's how drag queens and kings get to pass as the "opposite sex" - incorporating cues from the "other" group into their presentation.

And it doesn't only occur in stage performances and movies. There are people who borrow cues "from the other side", as it were, or mix them, in their regular lives - in some cases with the intent of confusing observers, but often simply because that is how they are most comfortable. For my own part, while I can appreciate long, feminine hair on others, I find myself feeling uncomfortable when my hair achieves that state, and feel much more "truly myself" with very short hair. But closely cropped hair is commonly seen as a male gender cue - and I have on occasions been addressed as a male, or had somebody ask me whether I was male or female - purely on the basis of my haircut!

Tyro:
(Nods) I think I see what you're getting at here. But I don't really understand why it's a big deal. So you've got short hair; or that bloke over there is wearing a dress. Why does it really matter, if what you are saying is true? I can't help thinking that if it really was the way you describe, then people wouldn't get so upset about blokes in dresses or whatever. But the fact that folk do get upset by them suggests to me that there's something wrong about it.

Teal:
People who present as being of ambiguous sex or gender confuse many people and worry them. Most people are taught from childhood that the boundaries of gender and sex are immutable and inflexible. I say that if these boundaries were as natural and biologically ordained as people think, there would be no need to have all these rules about being "real men" and "real women". We'd just be. I mean, we don't have any rules about not sprouting tentacles - it is just something that doesn't happen because we don't have the ability to do so. If gender roles were "natural and immutable" we wouldn't need the rules. But the rules are there, just about everywhere you look, saying what is appropriate for men and women to do and be. That suggests to me that it is NOT "natural and immutable", and that people have to be taught to be "real men" and "real women".

As a consequence of this, seeing somebody who doesn't abide by those rules can be very threatening to one's sense of how the world works. If somebody encounters a person who doesn't follow the gender rules, then instead of questioning their own assumptions about sex and gender, they write off those who don't fit their assumptions as "freaks", or "weird", or "other" in some way. And the interesting thing about folk who are put in the "other" category is that many people do not see any need to treat them with the sort of civil behaviour that is normal. It is seen by many to be quite acceptable to treat "weirdos" in a way that you wouldn't treat a stray dog. And fear of being treated as "other" can be a potent influence on people's behaviour. To me, the whole gender thing looks a lot less like "natural roles" and a lot more like "socially enforced coercion".

As you can probably tell by now, I have a bit of a problem with that. While I am not "weird" enough to get beaten up by random passers-by just for existing, I don't feel that the standard descriptions of femininity or masculinity really describe me either. I'd much rather live in a world where we were free to simply express our genders and sexualities in ways that seemed natural and comfortable to us, rather than trying to force them into boxes they don't fit into.

Tyro:
Ok, I get it (I think). So you are a "gender rebel", I take it. What does that mean, exactly?

Teal:
What it means for me is that when I look at myself, deep down inside, I don't really see myself as a woman, or a man. I see a "me". I generally move through the world being treated as a woman due to my physical attributes, and I don't really bother arguing with it all the time, because it is just too plain exhausting! But I do stuff without really paying close attention to whether it's considered "man stuff" or "woman stuff". I'm most comfy in clothes that aren't closely associated with men or women. I do sometimes wear skirts and dresses, but not often (and mostly because they're cooler and more practical than jeans and t-shirts in the height of an Australian summer). I look a bit ambiguous sex-wise, particularly in winter clothes, and occasionally somebody assumes I'm a man (then gets embarrassed when I respond in my female voice) or can't figure it out and asks me directly (usually small kids, to the vast embarrassment of their parents). But I enjoy presenting as ambiguous, because it feels more honest and real to me than presenting as a woman or a man. It just feels "right", and for me that's the bottom line. On the rare occasions when I do the hairdo-and-make-up "girly" thing, it feels like I'm putting on a costume, that it's not natural to me. It can be fun to do that from time to time, but it's not something I wish to feel obligated to do by any means. The "real me" is more likely to be wearing jeans, combat boots and a scungy t-shirt than dresses and mascara. [laughs]

Tyro:
So lets suppose that I liked your theories and wanted to be a "gender rebel" too. How would I go about it? What would I do?

Teal:
It's really very simple. Just let go of the idea that some things are more suitable for you because of your sex or gender than others. If you want to build a shed yourself, or wear eye make-up because you like the way it looks, or learn how to cook, or unblock the plumbing, or cry in public, or whatever, don't limit yourself because "men don't do X" or "women don't do Y". And try to recognise that when you cross a gender boundary for the first time, you'll probably feel a bit uncomfortable because you've been trained to adhere to those boundaries since you were a child; but that discomfort is simply the feeling that comes from ignoring your training to adhere to "the rules". If you disregard it and continue doing what ever it is that you're intending to do, that discomfort will go away. If you really want to wear your hair in long golden ringlets and you're a brawny bloke, you may have to deal with the occasional funny look from those who don't question "the rules", but funny looks can be survived! And the gains in self esteem that come from knowing that you are being true to yourself and your own desires are something that I feel is so hugely worth the occasional odd look from strangers that I find it hard to articulate clearly. I also feel that as a Gender Rebel I am doing my part in breaking down stereotypes and sexism, and I say that the more that others do the same (in their own ways), the easier it becomes for all of us, as it becomes evident to all that "the rules" are at best suggestions.

Not everyone has a problem with gender roles as they are now...but I do think that everyone would benefit from making them more flexible. If men did not have to defend their masculinity so vigorously, and women did not have to defend their femininity so fiercely, then perhaps they could let go of the fear that divides and learn to accept and trust instead.